The Girl with OCD
By Sharon Corish
I walk into the room. I was so busy rewinding I forgot what I came in here for. I go to open the door again. I touch the knob - no, that thought I had, in the back of my mind, it was wrong. I touch the knob again, another bad thought. I touch the knob again, but three is not a good number to stop on…tap, tap, tap, tap…no that thought was bad too, tap, tap, tap, tap….tap, tap - wait how many taps now? I guess I will have to start over again…
“A broken record.” How many times have I read that? In those books people bought for me to help me, to help solve me.
Solve me, because I am that complicated, so complicated there is a name for it. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I heard about it when I was eight, mentioned to me from those books.
I did not understand. Why do I worry like this? Why do these worries of mine not make sense to everyone else?
I knew my friends did not worry like me, but still I sat, anxious and jittery, unable to concentrate on anything rational. Always worrying in a world that never really existed, a world my mind created.
Therapy, medication, help. I needed help. Help, because I could not get out of the hole I was digging on my own. Help, because my problems stemmed deeper than I could even imagine. Help, because I was different. “Fitting in” was not an option for me, never. Ever since I was born, I would always be different.
Tap, tap, tap, tap…four, that’s good, right? – no wait, five is better, right? Tap…oh wait I had a bad thought…tap, tap, tap, tap….eight? No…ten will be a better number…tap, tap. Ten. Okay, that should do for now.
I don’t make sense. A jumble of worries, compulsions, fears, confusion. Ever changing worries. Fears that adapt to my strength.
Why am I like this? It is a part of life. That’s just how it is. I have accepted it, embraced it. This is who I am, and that is okay.
Tap, tap, tap, tap….
Who is that making the tapping noise? It is her. What is wrong with her?
It is me. I am the one who is tapping. I am the girl with OCD.
Hello, my name is Sharon Corish, and I am 16 years old and a junior at Robinson Secondary School. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 15 years old, the summer before my sophomore year. I am in therapy and on the medication Prozac for the disorder. I have struggled a lot with rituals and endless worries, and as a member of the newspaper staff at my high school, I love to write, so I thought it would be a nice idea to write this article when I heard about the opportunity from my therapist, Dr. Baither.